Sunday, June 13, 2010

How Men Solve the Unsolvable

Women talk about problems, especially unsolvable problems (such as their kids or husbands). Women feel better when they talk about their problems.

My advise for men is that they should listen to the women that they love, and share their feelings when women talk about unsolvable problems. Definitely don't tell her to not think about it, forget it, or think about something else. That works for man-to-man, but never is helpful for a woman. Men should not try to solve the woman's problem, unless the woman asks specifically for help solving the problem. If a woman wants advise, they'll ask for it. What is really needed is to pay attention, listen, share the feelings, and don't give advise. Woman feel much better when talk about problems, and will appreciate their men listening to them.

Men feel worse when they talk about unsolvable problems. Men will talk about a problem with someone who can help with a solution.

But if there is no solution, men usually will try to avoid talking about it.

So, if men won't talk about unsolvable problems, then how to they deal with them? Men IGNORE unsovable problems. Women should not fret if their men do not want to talk about the unsolvable problem that is bothering them.

When an unsolvable problem is ignored, one of three things happen:

1. The problem resolves on it's own. This is the most common outcome to the unsolvable problem.

2. In the course of not thinking about the problem, a solution will bubble-up in the man's mind.

3. The problem will become worse, but in the worsening, a solution to become apparant. For example, a car's intermittant noise is very hard to diagnose and resolve. If the car stops totally, then it becomes easy to diagnose and resolve.

Copyright 2010, Henry A. Doenlen, M.D. All rights reserved

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